Read the following excerpts. Most to all of the descriptive adjectives, adverbs and other language has been removed. What could you add to improve the passage? How do you think the original author may have written this differently? Can you guess what book each excerpt is from? Choose one of the excerpts to copy and change. Turn it in on tomorrow!
Excerpt 1
It was October. The nurse was busy by colds among the staff and students. Her potion worked. Ginny was bullied into taking some by Percy her take some. The steam poured from her hair.
It was raining for days; the lake rose, there was mud, Hagrid’s pumpkins grew. Oliver Wood’s enthusiasm for training, however, did not dampen, however, which was why Harry was wet on Saturday afternoon.
Excerpt 2
"Where's Papa going with that ax?" said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast.
"Out to the hoghouse," replied Mrs. Arable. "Some pigs were born last night."
"I don't see why he needs an ax," continued Fern.
"Well," said her mother, "one of the pigs is a small. It will never amount to anything. So your father has decided to do away with it."
"Do away with it?" shrieked Fern. "You mean kill it? Just because of it's size?"
Mrs. Arable put down a pitcher. "Don't yell, Fern!" she said. "The pig would probably die anyway."
Fern pushed a chair and ran outdoors. She ran through the grass. Fern's sneakers were wet when she caught up with her father.
Excerpt 3
Miss Caroline was the teacher. She dressed up. She smelled. She boarded in Miss Mudie Atkinson’s front room.
Miss Caroline printed her name on the blackboard and said, "This
says I am Miss Caroline Fisher. I am from North Alabama, from Winston
County." The class murmured. They were worried about what she would be like. (When Alabama seceded from the Union on January 11, 1861, Winston County seceded from Alabama, and every child in Maycomb County knew it.) North Alabama was full of Liquor Interests, Big Mules, steel companies, Republicans, professors, and other.
Miss Caroline began the day by reading us a story about cats. The cats had a conversation with one another, they wore clothes and lived in a house. By the time Mrs. Cat called the drugstore for an order of mice, the class was wriggling. Miss Caroline seemed unaware that the first grade were immune to imagination. Miss Caroline came to the end of the story and said, "Oh, my, wasn't that nice?"
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8 comments:
Dear Mrs. Terrell,
I chose excerpt number 3. I chose this excerpt because the more words that I have to do over the better I learn. That is why I chose excerpt 3.
From: Genae Bourgolly
Excerpt 2 Gabi Gaines
9/1/08
2nd period 6.4
“Where’s Papa going with that big, black, sharp ax?” Fern asked her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast.
“Out to the hog house, because some pigs were born last night.” replied Mrs. Arable.
“I still don’t see why he needs that sharp ax.” continued Fern as she sat down at the table.
“Well,” said her mother, “one of the pigs is too small. It will never amount to anything. So you father decided to do away with it.”
“Do a way with it? Does that mean kill it? Just because of its size?” shrieked Fern.
Mrs. Arable put down a pitcher. “Don’t yell Fern! The small pink pig would have probably died anyway.”
Fern pushed a small, brown, broken chair out of the way and ran out the big wooden door. She ran through the think, green grass. Fern’s sneakers that were originally white were green with grass and soaking wet when she finally caught up to her father.
By: Gabi Gaines
Excerpt 1
It was October on a cold day. The nurse was busy by each second there colds among the staff and students. Her potions worked every time. Ginny was bullied into taking some by Percy cause she had took some. The steam that poured from her hair quickly.
It was raining for days in Florida; the lake rose, there was mud every where, Hagrid’s pumpkins grew bigger because of the rain. Oliver Wood’s had an enthusiasm for training, however, did not dampened for it to rain , that is why Harry was wet on Saturday afternoon.
Excerpts
Excerpt 3 Answers
1.What I can add to improve the passage is figurative language and precise words.
2.I think that the original authors may have written this differnetly because the might have used different or more precise words.
3.I don't think I know any of them but I will guess on excerpt 2 and say ''Charlette's Web''.
It wdas a cold October day.The nurse was busy treating colds among the staff and students.The nurse�s potion had worked.Ginny was bullied into taking it by Percy.The steam poured from her hair.
It was raining for days;the lake rose,there was a lot of mud were Hagid�s pumkins grew.Oliver Wood�s enthusiasm did not change.Which is why Harry was wet on a Saturday afternoon.
It finally was October.The nurse was very busy by common colds among the sick students and staff. Here cold eventually worked.Ginny was bullied into taking some by Percy so she took some. Alot of steam pored from her blonde hair
Tai' McCaskill
09-2-08
4th period
Excerpt 1
It was October. The nurse was busy by colds among the staff and students. Her potion worked. Ginny was bullied into taking some by Percy her take some. The steam poured from her hair.
It was a cloudy October. The sweet nurse was busy by colds among the funny staff and bold students. Her purle thick potion worked. Ginny was forcefully bullied into taking some by Pery take her some. The hot steam poured from her silky long hair.
It was raining for days; the lake rose, there was mud, Hagrid’s pumpkins grew. Oliver Wood’s enthusiasm for training, however, did not dampen, however, which was why Harry was wet on Saturday afternoon.
It was steadily rainning for many days; the pretty lake rose, there was mud, Hagrid's pumpkins grew. Oliver Wood's helpful enthusiam for training, however. did not dampen, however which was why Harry was wet on sunny Saturday afternoon
It was a cold day in October.Thenurse was busy with major colds bythe staff and students.Her potion worked quickly.Ginny was bulied into taking some of the strong medicine by Percy,here take some.Thestem came pouring down her hair.
Itwas raining for many days,the lake rose,there was sticky mud,but Hagrids pumkins grew quickly.Oliver Wood's enthusisam for training,however/did not dampen.Which was why Harry was very wet on saturday afternoon.from,jarrod rolland
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